Saturday, October 04, 2008

Craft show and One Crazy Friend

Craft show crown valley

So today was my craft show it was AMAZING! I am so happy it didn't rain out... would you believe on a day it was supposed to rain I got a sun burn (can't you tell its sunny from my lack of eyeballs?)? I had such a great time! sold a BUTT LOAD of stuff... my cheesy California Snowmen sold like M-F'in hotcakes!! Nearly $100 just in ornament sales!!! It was so great! Its almost like those ornaments are so dumb you just have to get one to show other people... I also sold many of my felt ornaments! it was so fun! and my baby stuff was a huge hit! I swear it was like the land of OZ, munchkins everywhere... If they weren't just born they were on their way out.... If someone didn't have a babe they knew someone who just did! So it all worked in my favor! The people were really nice and AMAZED I stitched all the onesies by hand. They didn't think people did that anymore... WELL HELLO DOLLY... I DO!!! and thank you for buyin' it!
Other then that I sat across from freak-o-mcfreaky with an airbrushed "flame" shirt and a flame do-rag on and to top it off faded black jeans and Tevas with hammer toes in all their glory... He made hand blown glass heart pendants... but before I tell you what his super super LAME ASS "catch phrase" "selling pitch" was... lets just say... he told everyone he was an "artist" but he was a "straight artist" ... wwwhhhaaaa? meaning... since he was an artist making heart pendants he wasn't gay... so weird... I didn't say " hi my names brook and I love the weenie.... look at this cute little ornament I've made" SO yeah to say the least he was SO on my nerves but then it got worse! All of the sudden this was his new catch phrase... I kid you fucking NOT...

"Hi WELCOME! I am a heart specialist!!! I've never studied medicine but I've studied the ways of the heart and learned how to create them in my own special way"

RE-freakin-WIND.... Can we say SSSSSSOOOOO CHEESEY.... and the part was... I would've been able to handle him for ONE transaction... BUT NO... I had to sit across from him from 10-3... AND my mother wouldn't even let me take a picture so I could show you how crazy he was... Her reasoning wasn't " thats rude" it was, " No Brook, DON'T ! he's going to think we like him and he might talk to us" hahahaha she is scared of creepy men.... so to say the least it was quite a day!

WARNING: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS CRUDE IN NATURE, NOT ONLY THAT, IT HAS "POLITICAL VIEWS" AND BEFORE ANYONE GETS THEIR PANTIES IN A TWIST... ITS ALL IN GOOD FUN... I DON'T WANT THIS STIRRING UP ANY MOMMA DRAMA. THIS IS NOT ABOUT POLITICS ITS ABOUT A CRAZY PERSON AND HOW SHE BECAME MY BEST FRIEND...


okay....

So in the spirit of being totally politically incorrect, rude, and a straight up shit talker lets add a little more skank to this post....
I have a best friend... lets just call her "mother love" (she made up the name herself and can only say it in a sex phone operator voice) Well Mother love came into my life literally in a flash...
I was a freshman in High school trying out for the swim team. I was so nervous because I thought I might not make it (ppssshhtt) and I was really shy... so being shy and nervous plus in a speedo that gave me a camel toe and wedgie at the same time... I was "vulnerable".
Well Mother love runs up and screams " HEY WE HAVE THE SAME TAMALE TOES!!"

me being shocked I was like " wwhhhuuu? what are tamale toes?"

mother love replies like I'm the idiot "short little square toes with red nail polish!!!"

me " oh yeah... "

mother love " Okay you can be my friend" (Did I ask to be her friend?)

So I was now "marked" as mother loves friend... and we have been friends ever since...

9 years later....

We are best friends... Our friendship pretty much consist of who can make the other one laugh the hardest... and its a fair fight... though we both have different strategies... Mine is to tell talk as dirty as I can... you know conversations that include words such as
"meat curtains, rusty trombone, rim job, pearl necklace, snow ball, dirty sanchez, Boston steamer, carpet muncher... etc etc"

The funny part is I learned all these words from my ex boyfriends older brother... He was a longshoreman and pretty much spent his days learning new nasty words and then would repeat them to me... knowing he would get a good reaction... pure terror and then extreme laughter...and me being me... I logged them in my memory to repeat them later to an uneducated person in the art of "vulgar"... so mother love coming from a family where she lost her dad at a young age and was left with a house full of girls she has no clue about this "nasty talk" as she calls it.... I mean shes really bad... we were playing scatergories and the letter was G, topic was " body parts" well of course I wrote down " GONAD" yes, it did get a good laugh out of her but she refused to give me the point because she said I was just trying to be nasty... Me being the crazy competitive psycho I picked up her phone called her mother who is a retired nurse and asked her if "GONAD" was a word...of course she said yes! SCORE: 1 point for Brook...

Well.... Mother Loves strategy isn't a strategy at all... its just her being her... A STRAIGHT UP CRAZY BITCH... like seriously... She is SUPER aggressive, cheap, opinionated, needs anger management, SO FUNNY, will fight guys if they piss her off, say whatever she believes, gets pissed when you don't listen to her advice, will super flirt with guys who are 16 just to make me ssoooo embarassed but the kids think she's serious, She is an EXTREME right wing republican, beat up her boyfriend because she thought he cheated on her, and the #1 reason she makes me laugh... She doesn't care that she is a crazy pedophile bitch, She will voice her HONEST opinion if you ask and not care who, what, or where you are... She will tell you... and she will also tell you her boyfriend got what was coming to him... So to say the least... she is interesting... she embarrasses the HELL out of me but also makes me laugh until I cant breathe.... and the reason she is my best friend.... She is 100% LOYAL... She's the friend you want when times get tough... She has been there for me in the worst of times... She will take care of you when your sick, help you move, She even offered to beat the shit out of my ex boyfriend.... I mean come on... what more could you want in a friend? hahaha this list makes her sound bad but she actually is sssoo funny and such a blast to be around! And when she does act crazy I just laugh at her some more!

So like I said she has REALLY STRONG VIEWS... especially on politics, she even wants to get into politics but I reminded her a) your past will haunt you and b) you can't beat up or spit in your opponents face if they piss you off... So I was talking to her today about the car show she went to and my craft show blah blah blah... then she starts talking politics... but lets call them "funny politics" because its her talking about stuff that she actually follows and reads, studies, and analyzes... and me listening and taking funny jabs whenever I can because a) I am not obsessed with politics and don't really follow like she does b) I don't want to fire her up.... she starts talking about drilling for oil in Alaska... She agrees they should (for many reasons we wont get into...) well I was like " I don't agree they should drill in Alaska..." and this is what she says....

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Mother Love:
"Why? because of the polar bears? Sea Worlds looking for some new ones anyways....."

me:
" aaaahhhhhhhh hahahaha you're such a fucking idiot HAHAHAHA"


I don't care what your political views are...that shit was funny... I laughed so hard..... Mother love strikes again...
Final score
Mother Love: 1
Brook:0

(Just so you all know... she is an animal lover and said it to be funny and get a rise out of me)

So! Other then that! Check out my Blog Giveaway Leave a comment on the post before this for your chance to win an Ornament or some FABULOUS hairspray!!
Winner will be announced Thursday October 9th!!!

13 comments:

stina said...

hi! thank you so much for commenting on my blog! i looked through your etsy and i gotta say it totally made we want to have babies (unfortunately my boyfriend is a bitch and claims his 6 yr old daughter is in the perfect age now and that babies are too much work and cries too much, sigh). a huge congrats to your successful craft show!! i've never done one and would be terrified if i ever tried it.

and haha! "Why? because of the polar bears? Sea Worlds looking for some new ones anyways....." that comment is hilarious!

Katie Kutthroat said...

congrats on the sale.. your table was loaded with treats!

Sweetlysedated said...

That quote was pretty funny!

Congratulations on your sales, your table looked great :)
Hopefully next time no creepy heart guy as a neighbor.

rubyredruca said...

Uh-oh! My man's a longshoreman! Actually...I am too!

micheleleigh said...

congrats on your sales at the craft fair! i hope i do as good as you at the one im going to in a few weeks. :)

sunnie_fairy said...

oh, your table at the craft fair looks great! :]

sewitsforyou said...

I love the oilcloth bibs. I am glad it went well. Your table looked nice. Good luck with the etsy shop too..

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

LOL, Mother Love sounds a lot like me! I wish I knew where you were, I would have totally come out with my punk and bought some of your shit!!!

craft pig said...

Two things I never thought I'd read on a craft blog:
rim job
i love the weenie

ahahahahaahha

I love you

Tamie Snow said...

Your table looks adorable!!

Katie Kutthroat said...

Thank you Brook for the tshirt stabilizers and the sweet letter! You are the bestest! It made my day!

Lil D said...

Congrats on doing so well at the sale. I got sunburn the day after (we drove down to Miramar airshow. MSN weather lied and said it would be a cool day. Didn't get to check on the polar bear situation at SeaWorld...)

jodi french paper arts said...

It looks like you had fun. That's what it's about too. I love your blog. I lived in Tustin for a while and my son was born in Newport Beach. I never wanted to leave. People is Southern California are so creative and fun.