So Mother Love and her whipping boy... I mean boyfriend invited Juan and I to go Skiing in Big Bear. To say the least I was DREADING going. I was having flashbacks of my times snowboarding and pretty much using my ass to polish the snow. Mother Love skis so I decided I would too since I was better at skiing than snowboarding. I still was just PISSED I decided to go... Mostly because my ski pants are tight as shit and I wasn't wearing black underwear so if I did fall and rip my pants in half it would be pink granny panties bustin out! So in my head I was being negative nancy. Juan has been buggin' me to go so I thought oohhh lets just DO IT!
I went to rent my ski boots (aka Chinese foot binding torture devices) and skis... I told the guy " Please give me the shortest slowest skis you have... NO I am not kidding!" He thought it was so funny... um I AM SERIOUS!
So we get to the lift... BUNNY SLOPE PLEASE!!! I went up with Mother Love and started getting anxiety about getting off... Falling off the lift is my specialty! I get off... NO FALLING!!! YYYYAAAAYYY!!! Its a miracle! I go down and I was the BOMB!!! You can just call me Peek-a-boo or however you spell her name. Mother love was like " KID I thought you sucked! You are just as good as I am!!!" So we were having a blast! We did the bunny slopes a few more times then we went to lift 2 which takes you to the top of the mountain! It also allows 4 people per chair! All of us got to ride together! It was so fun! I went the whole day without falling.. What the heck? Who knew I was an expert skier this whole time!
We stopped to have lunch and decided we would go down the mountain one more time... BAD IDEA!!! My boots were literally killing me.... SO I put them on the loosest I could even though I've been advised NOT to! We go up and I am just not getting a good feeling about this... It turned from nice to FREEZING WIND!!! The snow was turning into ice and I was CCCOOOOOLLLDDD!!! We go to get off the lift... I didn't even get a chance to stand up I was already on my ass and everyone came tumbling after me! The worst part was they didn't even stop the lift! I just remember a guy in a red jacket zipping by me... My skis were all tangled in Mother Loves boyfriends snowboard as a 5ft tiny old lady was trying to pick me up... umm.... Lady lets be serious... I need the fucking abominable snowman to pick me up... not some frail old lady. The weird part was... Mother love was sitting next to me and she was no where to be found... She was ducking on the far right so the lift chair would n't decapitate her! Once I got up from the help of a huge burly man I realized Mother Love took one for the team... Just like me she loosened her boots and twisted her ankle... She had to take the death toboggan down the hill and she ended up in Snow Patrol.
They made it seem like she was dying and they wrapped her foot all up and put it in a shoe box thing...She couldn't really walk once we got back to the condo so we wheeled her in a luggage thing!
I think I am done skiing until next year...