English Gone Wrong part I

Here is the first of my "English Gone Wrong" post. My boyfriend was born is Ecuador and moved here when he was around 13... He speaks English with no accent but he still thinks in Spanish so he will say things backwards and funny stuff like that. He also gets American sayings wrong... and pretty much it makes my day... I guess its mean to laugh at him but I do it anyways... I can't help it... Its sssooooooooooooo funny! Well at least I think so!



Here is a few from the other day:

Anyways today Gus was sun bathing outside then got curious and started picking the snails off the wall and tried to eat them. I pick him up and bring him inside

Me: " Ohhhh Juan your son is trying to eat snails......"
Juan: " Oh no now hes going to get warts!"
Me: " Why the fuck would a snail give him warts?
Juan: " If you touch them they give you warts."
Me" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO THEY DON'T that's frogs!!!! What you stepped on too many snails in your day so that's why you had that wart on the bottom of your foot?"
Juan (feeling like a dee da dee) " No.... But snails give you warts too..."

Then the other night we were walking Gus and Lola around the block with my mom (Him being bi-lingual has nothing to do with this idiotic conversation... This is just due to him being a man)

My Mom:" Juan, I brought Gus a plastic bag just in case"
Juan "For what?"
Me (cuts in while doing my infamous eye roll) " To wrap around his head and suffocate him while you pick up his shit with your bare hands.....What else would you use it for?"
( My mom tried not to laugh at my naughty behavior but sometimes she can't help herself, Can you really blame her?)